Wednesday, January 7, 2009

SPOTTED: poorly dressed-bian

who: a poorly dressed lesbian, seemingly stuck in 1992

what: a woman in her mid-late 20s, cursed with a donut-shaped body and a manly gait. her long, stringy hair was pulled back into a low and unassuming ponytail, and her black faux-leather jacket, oversized jeans and ratty motorcycle boots indicate that she's the type of woman who knows her way around a bar brawl and has busted a few skulls against a jukebox or two. however, at the risk of painting this woman as a cool-as-the-fonz type, let me stress: this woman's "badass" look did not come across very well; in fact, she was dressed in clothes so horribly reminiscent of the early '90s that she could have easily been cast in the role of "overweight unattractive lesbian asskicker" in everyone's favorite coming of age story, reality bites.

when: thursday, jan 8, 12:46pm

where: in front of m. fredrick, encino mini mall, encino ca

how: subject was encountered following a trip to the bank. her eau de lesbian was rather overwhelming, yet i'm forced to admit she may have been exuding the very similar scent of "misguided heavyset straight woman who severely needs a haircut, session with a personal trainer and some quality time with a therapist who will teach her the meaning of self-love."

notes: despite a potential miscategorization, i feel confident that the subject at hand is indeed, a poorly dressed-bian. even if she's not, i can guarantee that she's no super-straighty. if anything, she's probably asexual, with sapphic tendencies. i'm not quite sure how kinsey would report on her.

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